At some point in life we all stress about bills. Unless you’re well off enough financially to not stress about them. In which case you can be excluded from that ‘all’ you lucky, lucky duck.
I, however, am lumped in with that ‘all’. As I have just graduated with a Bachelors degree I’m starting to really worry about all those student loans. On top of that I just turned 26 this month, which means even more adulting for me. (Yay!…) When I do sign up for my own medical insurance and start paying back my loans I’ll need to come up with at least $600 more a month than I’m making now. That may not seem like a lot to some, but to this ball of OCD and anxiety, it’s a ton. Now.. I am searching for a better paying job, and I’ve been trying my hardest to contact those in charge of hiring. Hopefully one of these positions works out for me, and I can start to make better money. I also have a couple other work-from-home options I’m willing to try out on the side in case my situation becomes dire.
Thinking about all of this, (and all of the other normal life occurrences) almost every hour of every day has taken a toll on my life both mentally and physically. I’m certain those closest to me have noticed how irritable I’ve become, and I can’t shake the feeling of hopelessness and not being able to fix the problem… This doesn’t necessarily make sense to me. I have a plan for goodness’ sake! But, as I can’t do anything to lessen this monetary conundrum right here right now, I’m freaking out. I’ve written out my budget about 5 different times this past week, and each time I think that for some unknown magical reason I’ll have less to come up with each month than I did the last time I wrote it down. Sadly, this has never been the case.
All of this was really weighing down on me one particular morning driving to work. I was on the verge of tears and I felt trapped. I told myself that I need to focus on the good in life, for we only have the good around for so long. I wanted to slap myself in the face and point out that I got out of bed just fine that morning, that I at least make enough money to buy food for my family, and that most of what I own is in good condition, and if it isn’t I usually have the means to upgrade it. It was in this moment of arguing with myself and my emotions that I looked out the passenger window of my car. I was stopped at a red light about 5 minutes from work, and not in the mood to be there any time soon. Then I realized what I was looking at. When I saw the bunch of sunflowers outside my window, my mood lightened and I felt that my day had suddenly gotten a little brighter.
Those sunflowers made me realize that I, too, can grow in the midst of what may seem like chaos. Right there in the middle of a busy intersection stood a beautiful force of nature, and it made me feel like one too. The fact that I am in debt right now, and that I know I will be for some time, should not take away from the fact that I am leading a beautiful life. I am a strong woman, and I know that I can turn this stress into motivation as long as I take the time to realize what it is that I’m working for and not allow myself to get caught up in the negativity of life.
If I had remained focused on my problems that morning, I never would have turned to look at what was surrounding me and I never would have noticed those sunflowers. Maybe that’s all we need, a push in the right direction to notice those things we should be thankful for every single day. I sincerely hope you recognize what it is that you’re looking for as easily as I found mine.
As always, thank you for reading into my thoughts.
vanessasthoughtbubble 