To Quote Frost,

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.”

Never have I relied more heavily on this notion than I have in the past couple weeks. From financial responsibilities almost getting the better of me, to political situations that seem to have no bright end, I just couldn’t get a hold on this sinking feeling. In the grand scheme of things there isn’t much I can do as one single person to alleviate our societal problems. I get that. It’s frustrating as hell, but I get it. At least I had a hold on my and my immediate family’s lives… or so I thought.

Heart attacks are the worst house guests. They show up unannounced, make no indication as to the length of their stay, and they make a giant mess. It is by far the worst thing to witness. There was absolutely nothing I could do, which probably made no difference as I couldn’t think straight anyway…

Following that ambulance to the hospital was the most anxious I have ever been. I kept looking over to my boyfriend, who has had to be the caregiver since age 15, and wondering how on earth I could help him. There was nothing I could do… except be there for emotional support, (which, if I’m being honest, almost feels useless). It was not until we arrived at the hospital, waited what felt like hours, (was really only 30 minutes or so) and the nurses got her stabilized that I could fully breathe. Once again, or so I thought…

There is a long road ahead of us, and it is no doubt going to be a difficult one. The stresses of the event have not lessened even though the event is over. The breath was but a moment of clarity in a situation that keeps rearing its ugliest head. I know one day that we will look back on this time and consider it one that has only strengthened us, but for now I just can’t see it. Which is why I must keep telling myself: “It goes on”. I will not, cannot, be stuck like this forever. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel is.

I hope that no matter what situation you’re in, you can say the same. It goes on… we just have to meet it at every step of the way until it does.

 

As always, thank you for reading into my thoughts.